Bedding Plants For Sale - Slight Sawdust Damage...

Southend Council no doubt have a similar outlook to yours... their rule of thumb seems to be ignore what the local residents want (you know, us plebs that pay the Council Tax), and do the things that they don't want.

The latest tragic example of this is the commencement of 15 months of work converting the main roundabout into town (Victoria Circus) into yet more concrete and a traffic light system (at a cost of a mere £25 million!!!!). The current roundabout is nothing special, but it's been there for almost 50 years and does the job - allowing traffic to flow reasonably well in and out of town. But what IS special (erm, make that 'WAS' special) were the 100 year old trees that this huge traffic island was originally constructed around back in the early 1960's.

As luck would have it, I took this photo of the roundabout on Thursday 7th January. Obviously I took the picture just to capture the snowfall, I had no idea of what was about to happen...

Coming in to work on Monday 11th January I was shocked to see the decimated roundabout. All but one of the trees had been cut down, and all the plant beds dug up... the aftermath looked like a World War I battlefield. The council had made no notification that this work was to commence (no doubt intentionally), and a local group of protesters even had a meeting booked with the council on Tuesday 12th to discuss if there was any way the trees could be incorporated into the new development. The council agreed to meet the protesters... then cut the lot down on Sunday 10th.

Here's the same view less than a week after my first photo...

I am however delighted to see the townsfolk rising up to display their disgust at this needless expenditure and destruction of such distinguished trees, as ever since, the railings at the side of the roundabout have turned into an 'RIP' shrine.... It's much like you see on the roads these days at the scene of a tragic accident, however a closer inspection of the cards, flowers and wreaths shows that the deceased they are paying their respects to are none other than the 22 culled trees! Also great to see that the art of sarcasm is alive and well in Southend... In amongst the tributes are 3 lovely bogus ads:

BIRD TABLES FOR SALE - ALL TREES SOURCED LOCALLY

FREE LOGS - PLEASE CALL XXXXXXXXX ASK FOR LESTER

and my personal favourite:

BEDDING PLANTS FOR SALE - SOME SLIGHT SAWDUST DAMAGE - VARIOUS COLOURS

I do hope that the phone numbers attached to these ads weren't all direct lines to the decision makers over at the Council...

I brought my camera in just too late... hours before I took these photos there were dozens of floral tributes, cards and messages on and around the railings. The council had removed the whole lot by the time I went out to lunch, and all that remained were these few messages. 30 minutes later as I returned from lunch, all of these had been removed too!!!! If only the council were this diligent and efficient during our month of scandalously icy roads and pavements... maybe my 78 year old dad wouldn't have fallen over in the treacherous conditions, and perhaps his Christmas wouldn't have been ruined.

The council of course will take no notice of the locals and their show of disgust... we only live here for goodness sake, why would we be interested in what happens to our town? But I'm pleased that people feel strongly enough to make their point.

And what IS the point of digging up the roundabout anyway?? John Lamb (our Tory councillor responsible for tourism and regeneration) said "the works will help boost trade and tourism in the town"... I can hear the tills ringing with anticipation already John, nothing like a new set of traffic lights to get peoples wallets out... Anna Waite (Southend Councils executive councillor for transport and planning) said "we are extremal proud of this scheme, which will transform the entrance to Southend Town Centre"... bloody hell Anna, I thought we were in a recession love?! You couldn't quite manage to scrape up a few quid to get some grit out on the roads (which in turn meant I risked my life every morning travelling to work and you didn't collect my rubbish for nearly THREE weeks), but you can find £25 million to "transform the entrance to Southend Town Centre"??! Great... at least people will now have to wait until they get through the "entrance" before they realise the town is a shit-hole these days.... The blame for which I also lay at the feet of this council after years of neglect. The once thriving 'office' area of Southend is now 90% vacant derelict buildings, the shopping centre is full of empty shops, and the whole place is grubby and depressing.

Yet the one asset that Southend has that might (just might) bring in a few tourists, we've been waiting THIRTY FOUR years for you to mend!!! Yes, the pier-head of the longest pier in the world (1.3 miles) was all but destroyed by fire in 1976, with further fires in 1995 and 2005... and we are STILL waiting for Southend council to repair it!

I don't know anyone who thinks that this £25 million pound development is wanted or needed.... and to my mind, the introduction of a weedy set of traffic lights at such an incredibly busy junction seems woefully naive.

Oh, and just one final thing.... either side of the roundabout the council have hastily erected two lovely hoardings showing an 'artists impression' of what this fabulous improvement will look like. I had to do a double take, as surely I'd made a mistake, but no, quite clearly there it was in the exact position where the roundabout currently sits.... guess what?? yup that's right, a dozen or so trees... Wankers.

Piley

The Best of 2009

The last couple of January's I've blogged my 'best albums' of the previous year. This year I'm doing it slightly different and it also ties in with the 'annual Christmas lads meet up' (oh ok, piss up!)... and what a great turn out this year I might add, as well as the regular 'locals' we managed to get Paul T down from London, John F down from Brighton and Terry H down from Leicester! Top work!

Each year this event has some sort of theme (don't ask me why, I can't actually remember anymore!! It just does OK!), we've had top ten films, desert island discs, top 10 debut albums etc etc. This year, E. F Rice hit on the genius idea that we all create a CD made up of your favourite tunes from the last 12 months, burn enough copies for everyone and then dish em out. The rules were simple, all of the tracks had to either:

a) be taken from an album released in 2009; or

b) from an album you bought in 2009

Either way, the CD was to contain songs that had shaped 2009 for you. I was pleased with part 'b' of the rules, as at my age, I seem to be delving more and more into the back catalogue. It also meant I was able to bend the rules slightly and apply them to albums I already owned pre-2009, but for one reason or another, purchased again during the last year... thus every single Beatles album was in contention, as were the double CD re-releases of the Damned's late 1980's albums. Banned though was adding a track from an album purchased prior to 2009... no matter how much you may have listened to it recently!! The final part of the rules was a ban on track-listings... initially at least. The idea was to avoid any preconceptions and fast forwarding of tracks you'd already made up your mind on before hearing! So here is the run-down of Pileys Spicy New Year Revolutions 2009!


1. Marc Almond - Day And Night
Taken from 'Orpheus In Exile - The Songs Of Vadim Kozin' (released September 2009)

Marc released his second album of Russian folk songs last year (the first being 2003's 'Heart On Snow'), and just like the first one it's a real treat. His intense style of performance suits these songs perfectly... they could almost have been written especially for him! The orchestration and production is just stunning. 'Day and Night' is set to a unwilting marching tempo, and captures the excruciating hell of being in the Russian army....

2. Lady GaGa - Again Again
Taken from 'The Fame' (released January 2009)

Yes really! I warmed to the bonkers one over the year and in particular found the coverage of her Glastonbury performance extremely entertaining. The biggest shock was discovering that this gal can actually sing too! 'The Fame' is a cracking little album with more of a nod to electro-glam and Bowie than you might initially expect. This little gem is tucked away right at the end of the album (if you're lucky... it doesn't even appear on some re-issues) but beats everything else on there for my money.

3 Martin Gordon - Interesting Times
Taken from 'Time Gentlemen Please!' (released July 2009)

I think my love of this album has been pretty well documented on the blog already (check out the Dec 09 archives if you missed it!). Insanely catchy, intelligent tunes, that deserve far more exposure than they probably get.

4 Jace Everett – Bad Things
Taken from 'Jace Everett' (released March 2006)

2009 was the year of the vampire series True Blood. I loved everything about it, and that included the gloriously trashy country\rockabilly twang of the theme tune. I googled it immediately, and by the 3rd episode I had this album! It's OK, although there's nothing else on there to match this. Just love the subtle organ sound that's in there too.

5 Seasick Steve - Never Go West
Taken from 'Man From Another Time' (released October 2009)

This guy has grown on me over the last 2 or 3 years. I always thought he sounded OK, but nothing particularly revolutionary or different. This new album has a polish to it that is not on any of the previous ones, and it benefits tremendously from it.

6 The Caper Story - I Wish I Did
Bit of a cheat this one, as The Caper Story don't actually have a record deal. However, based on the demo of theirs I was passed during the last year, it won't be too long before they have one! I Wish I Did is the band at their psychedelic, Mod-tastic best!

7 Martin Gordon - You Can't See Me
Taken from 'Time Gentlemen Please!' (released July 2009)

Martin Gordon in Pink Floyd shocker!! Amazing song! See number 3 above!

8 Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Zero
Taken from 'It's Blitz' (released April 2009)

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs just get better and better. The first two albums are both belters, but this is their best yet. There is a maturity to the sound of this one, and Karen O's vocals are just incredible!

9 The Rolling Stones – Rough Justice
Taken from 'A Bigger Bang' (released September 2005)

I was on a right royal Stones buzz back in September and October of 2009. So much so that I finally caved in on my 20 year old policy to stop buying their albums after Steel Wheels in 1989. A trawl round Amazon 'new and used' enabled me to pick up the last 20 years worth of albums for literally pennies (I paid 10p for this their most recent album, A Bigger Bang!). The biggest shock was that they weren't all completely shit! This track is an absolute stormer, sneak it on the end of Sticky Fingers or Exile on Main St, and many wouldn't bat an eyelid. Best Stones track in a quarter of a century!

10 Fleet Foxes – Sun It Rises
Taken from 'Fleet Foxes' (released June 2008)

Ok, Ok... so it came out in 2008!! But I didn't buy it until about March 2009. It's been a real grower too. Initially I just found the album quite pleasant, but the more I played it, the more I found their CSN\Beach Boys'y\Simon and Garfunkel'y sound strangely addictive. A truly beautiful album, and I can't wait for the follow up later this year.

11 The Bravery - Adored
Taken from 'Stir The Blood' (released December 2009)

I've loved this band right from the off, having seen their first UK show at the Metro Club in Oxford Street. I was blown away with their enthusiasm and sheer electric showmanship, and for a while they were the darlings of the music press, set to be the band that The Strokes never quite became. They disappeared from the radar of the music press pretty quickly, but I've always kept a keen eye on their career. Stir The Blood is the Bravery's third album, and much like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, there is a real maturity and sophistication to the sound on this outing. They are also experimenting a little more electronically, and the result is pure dynamite!

12. White Denim – Shake Shake Shake
Taken from 'Workout Holiday' (released June 2008)

A great little trio from Austin, Texas. This instrumental track has a real urgency about it, and quite a 60's garage feel. The album (again, I didn't get it until last year) is a cracker, fusing Blues, 60's garage and rock all in one go!

13 Marc Almond - My Fire
Taken from 'Orpheus In Exile - The Songs Of Vadim Kozin' (released September 2009)

See 1 above for full details!

14 The Baddies - Colin
Taken from 'Do The Job' (released September 2009)

Local boys done good, the Baddies produced one of the best debut albums of the year (not to mention one of my gigs of the year too). I honestly could have included just about any track of their high octane, new wavery... but 'Colin' is pretty much as good as it gets.

15 The Damned - Sanctum Sanctorum
Taken from 'Phantasmagoria' (originally released July 1985. Re-released Feb 2009)


Actually, the Damned album that I played the most last year was without a doubt 'So, Whos Paranoid?'. But as I did buy it in 2008 (and it made my 'best of 2008' post) I had to play by the rules. However, 2009 saw the re-release of my 2 least favourite Damned albums ('Phantasmagoria' and 'Anything'), so I was still able to shoehorn my favourite band in! The lure of an extra disc of bonus material on each of these albums was enough to tempt me to part with my hard earned on 'em once more, but giving them another spin after such a lengthy break, I was actually pleasantly surprised... I had certainly forgotten what a gothic gem Sanctum Sanctorum was, complete with it's delightfully OTT church organ fanfare and thunder-clap sound effects!

16 Adam Green - Morning After Midnight
Taken from 'Sixes and Sevens' (released March 2008)

Again, another pre-2009 release. I stumbled on it this year by picking up a pair of headphones on a listening booth in the Rough Trade shop in Green Street. It appealed to me instantly. Have now started to investigate his back catalogue and there is some amazing stuff there... this track is great fun though!

17 Red Light Company - With Lights Out
Taken from 'Fine Fascination' (released March 2009)

My good friend Keano tipped me off about these. There's nothing really original about them (I've been around indie-rock too long!!), but I love the mix they have here... it's a bit Suede, bit Radiohead, bit MGMT, bit Editors etc etc. It's even a bit Coldplay in places, but fortunately there's enough influence elsewhere for them to get away with that!!

18 Beatles - I Want You (She's So Heavy)
Taken from 'Abbey Road' (originally released September 1969. Re-released September 2009)

I bought more albums by the Beatles in 2009 than any other artist, having taken advantage of the re-mastered re-releases. I've never owned any Beatles on CD (all LP up to now), so thought this promotion was a good excuse to finally do so. The trouble with the Beatles is that they are just too good... Everyone knows pretty much all of their songs regardless if they are a 'single' or album track, so it's impossible to find a hidden gem like you can with other artists. So I went for this track as it's perhaps a lesser played one - and also clocks in as the longest ever released Beatles song... and thinking about it, that's probably why it's a lesser played track! It certainly isn't anything to do with the quality, and it's actually one of my favourite fabs songs. It's got more balls than a lot of their 'popier' tunes, and I find that I can get completely lost inside its hypnotically repetitive bluesy haze.

19 The Baddies - Pisces
Taken from 'Do The Job' (released September 2009)

Nope, I couldn't quite chose just one track from this album! See 14 above.

So there you go... 19 songs that helped to shape 2009 for me. My CD actually had 20 tracks on it, but the final song will be appearing in its own post in the next week or two.

Piley

S'no Contest!

Certain parts of the country got the snow rougher than others... Here in my part of deepest darkest Essex it was bad at times, but never particularly deep... I just got thoroughly bored of it being here for so long! Normally the white stuff has the good manners to turn up for a few days, ruin a few commuters journeys, trip up one or two old grannies, let the kids have some fun... and then pisses off sharpish again. But bar a little break around Christmas, I've not seen the pavements (or many of the roads come to think of it.... did Southend Council actually get ANY grit??! Grrr!) for a good month or so.

At the weekend Piley Junior had the time of his life running around the snow in the local park and golf course... With it hanging around so long it got me wondering if this is in fact the worst bout of snow in my lifetime, and assumed it probably must be....

Here's mini Piley getting to grips with the latest dollop of snow:

On Sunday evening I popped up in the loft to put all the Christmas decs back up, and whilst there couldn't resist a flick through some old photo albums - I've always been a bugger for taking photos, and what with inheriting my mums collection a few years back too, there unfortunately isn't any room downstairs to house them. The first album I pick up had pictures of the snow of 1987 and it all immediately came back to me!!

In my 43 years spent in the 'softy South', I'm pretty sure this was indeed our biggest snowfall... it all arrived in one lump over a very short space of time, and being old skool snow, did have the good grace to go again a few days later. Here are a few of the photos I found in the loft... worth a look if only to have a giggle at a Piley more than half a lifetime ago! (Eek! Where has it all gone??! I'm 20 in these photos, and I remember it as though it were about 7 or 8 years ago).

the trusty Leyland Mini that mum and I used to share:

I was a 10 hole Doc Martins kinda guy in them days, and the snow certainly looks to be higher than those! (apologies for those gloves... what was i thinking?!):

Am assuming that I'm crouching here, and the snow is not up to my waist! Up to the numberplate on that car behind me though:

For sheer awkwardness, skating rink pavements and general annoyance, 2010 wins hands down, but if it's a winter wonderland and sheer good old fashioned volume you're after, look no further than 1987!

Piley

My Dad's Bigger Than Your Dad...

I do so love the fact that even after 43 years, you still find out new stuff from your parents!

Over Christmas my dad was telling some stories from a life pretty much spent on or around the sea. My father was with the Merchant Navy for around 16 years (from the age of 16 until 32), starting off as a galley boy. The Merchant Navy consisted of various private shipping companies, but my father worked pretty much exclusively for the Cunard line.

He rose up the ranks whilst working at Cunard, and by his mid-twenties had become a second steward. He had a number of men working for him at this point, one of whom was a gentleman by the name of 'Ted'. Ted was in his 50's, and my dad took a real shine to him. He was always keen to help out, and from the conversations they used to have, seemed like a very proud family man. My dad clearly remembers him talking about his sons, and in particular his twin boys who had recently started their own business. Ted would often remark to dad that he was the same age as his boys (about 27 or 28 at that time).

Anyway, during his time with Cunard, Ted was caught carrying out some misdemeanour or other, and my father was tasked with the job of having to let him go. This upset my dad, as he was genuinely very fond of him (and he was a terrific worker too!). But 'orders is orders' as they say, so he carried out the job. Still, the gentleman that he was, Ted took the news with grace, shook my fathers hand and bid him farewell.

My dad always wondered about old Ted and what happened to him, and a few years later he found out..... It transpired that 'Ted' was in fact a World War II deserter, and as such, even in the late 50's was still technically a wanted man. His real name was Charles David Kray, his wife was Violet Kray, his eldest boy was also called Charles, and those entrepreneurial twins? Yes, you guessed it, Ronald and Reginald Kray!

Looking back, I think my father was very grateful that old Ted took his dismissal so well!

Happy New Year!

Piley

Martin Gordon: The 'Time Gentlemen Please' Inteview - Part 2

The second and final part of my exclusive interview with Martin Gordon, where we are talking about his latest album 'Time Gentlemen Please'. Part one concentrated on the whole 'Mammals' trilogy, and the making of the new album, this time round I wanted to learn something about each and every track….

Don't feel this isn't for you if you've not heard the album, as with his previous albums, Martins' songs are all comments on society and real-life happenings in the 21st Century, and his insights are very interesting (oh and of course down right hilarious too!)

Elephantasy – What on earth inspired this one? Do you really ‘like em like that’??

Oh yes. The Fatherland is the land of sausages and potatoes, as you know. A friend had to be craned out of bed recently; he was so enormous that the ambulance couldn’t get him down the stairs. Wassup, you don’t like fat people? Gotta love’em, really. And, as noted somewhere else, they can always watch your things on the beach, cos they ain’t going anywhere, are they… A friend of mine from an earlier time, who used to play bass for the Records, would only ever shag fat girls. But then he married a dwarf, I believe – there’s probably a salutary lesson in there somewhere.

(NOTE: You can have a listen to Elephantasy in all its glory in our 4th Podcast - 'Animals')

Houston We’ve Got a Drinking Problem – I googled it, and it really did happen! A couple of years back the crew of the Challenger were found to be drunk in charge of a Space Shuttle!! What was it that made you pick it for the subject of one of your songs?

Sweetie, it all happened, I don’t make any of this stuff up, do I! Every single thing on this record (and, by the way, on all the others as well) can be found out there in the ‘real’ world, if you choose to look.

I keep a notebook in which I note down interesting stories that I come across, in green ink using a quill pen, and this was one of them. I heard it on the BBC World Service. I think I came up with the title first, and then expanded the song around it. Can you believe that the flight controller who made that announcement was so out of it?

On and On – Who did you have in mind when you wrote this song about a woman with verbal diarrea??!

Oh, it’s generic, isn’t it? There is indeed a local focus to this one, but it’s pathological. Sometimes they never stop, and at all other times they just go on and on and on and on. I quote myself – ‘it’s got to stop soon, we need Ban Ki-Moon to stem this verbal tsunami’.

On a related note, my good pal Tee ‘Trevor’ White, once with the Sharks band, imagined that the name of the newly elected leader of the free world was ‘Wanky Woo’. He was most put out when I disabused him, and disabused me right back.

21st Century Blues – This slower number finally allows us to draw breath. It’s a thought-provoking song, and the first use of the ukulele on the album too, which really adds to the sound. What are your thoughts on this one?

One of my best compositions, I would say if asked. It’s a calling card. If someone asked for an example of my tune-smithery, I would play them this. And then run away.

I’m a big fan of ukulele, and of double bass. In fact, I used a double bass sample on the demo of this tune, and then tried bass guitar and then acoustic bass guitar on the recording, but neither worked as well. So I got myself an upright bass, learned how to play it again (after not having touched one for about 30 years) and then recorded it. We did this live recently in Berlin, to an audience of three storm troopers and a Rottweiler, and it seemed to go down quite well. The recording also has a brass section – mainly trombone, but so what – and this is a new colour in the sonic palette. It’s even got a flute solo, fer Chrissakes.

The sentiments are… well, germane, I feel. That’s germane, by the way, not German. For German sentiments, or perhaps more accurately anti-German, you will have to check out ‘Only One Dream Per Person’ from Der Baboon in Der Basement.

Come Out Come Out Whoever You Are – A rather scathing song about God. It’s funny, but makes you think too.... Not a fan then??!

Not a big fan, no. But I am a big fan of Senator Ernie Chambers, who attempted to sue God in the Californian court as a terrorist, due to His threats of plagues, storms, floods, pestilence, famine, war, disco and such. A key point was the debate over whether the writ had actually been served on the defendant (namely, God).

Senator Chambers noted that he had on a number of occasions shouted out ‘Come out, come out, wherever You are’ and, as God is both omniscient and omnipotent, that should have done the trick, assuming He exists. The court accepted his reasoning, but the defendant didn’t bother showing up. Probably off somewhere smiting unbelievers.

But as I say – God… has He ever had a hit record? You see?

I Feel Fine – Is a fabulous cover version, and you’ve somehow managed to remove the Beatles feel and replace it with the Martin Gordon ‘stamp’. It must be hard to completely redesign a classic song that everyone knows?

Yes, I would like to stamp out the Beatles completely, forever. As Adrian Belew remarked to me when I interviewed him for my Zappa all-nighter on the local radio station, the Beatles completely spoiled it for everyone by being better than anyone else, either before or after. Bastards. Bastard selfish bastard Beatle bastards, if you ask me, and you did.

I tried to create an antithetical version of the tune, and I think I achieved it, in that it is completely miserable. That will teach the protagonist to piss about with females.

Oh yes, I meant to say – don’t get me confused with the protagonist in all this stuff. Just because the singer declares that he likes fat girls, it doesn’t mean that I like fat girls, in fact far from it. I just write the stuff, dear.

You’ve put at least one cover version on all of your solo albums. What others were in contention for Time Gentlemen Please?

Well, there was ‘Something in the Air’ by Thunderclap Newman, and ‘Ascension Day’ by Third World War. This last we tried, actually, but it fell at the first nuclear onslaught. I also played about a bit with ‘Walk On By’, but will say no more about it.

Did you ever hear ‘Every Little Thing She Does’ by Yes? Well groovy, daddy-o. The reasons for doing a cover, as far as I see it, is to stamp heavily upon the identity of the original artist with your own artistic boot, preferably on the throat, and then twist and grind down with the heel with a simultaneous rotating movement.

Have you ever considered a whole album of ‘Gordon-ified’ covers at all??!

If I was to imagine for a single second that anyone would be remotely interested, I might well do such a thing. But I don’t kid myself.

If Boys Could Talk and Girls Could Think – Is this your own theory on how to crack the battle of the sexes?

It’s actually more a critique of self-help books and gender stereotypes than a timely plea for peace to break out in the battle of the sexes. Frankly I couldn’t care less whether they slaughtered each other or not, to be honest, so long as they leave me out of it.

It was originally inspired by a discussion which pointed out that if people said the inane things about women that they are allowed to say about men, at least in the context of crapulous popular literature, some women would get rather upset. It seems to be acceptable to say things like ‘oh, if only men could talk’, but the reverse is a bit more difficult. Hence the title. Personally, I don’t care either way, as I said. Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke, and that applies to both sides of the gender debate.

It has a small upright bass solo at the end, for those who care for this sort of thing. (It is the solo that is small, not the upright bass, which is 3/4 size, should you be concerned).

Talulah Does The Hula From Hawaii – I think this one is the most insanely catchy track on the album. Is that a guest spot from your son at the beginning? How did that come about? Is Talulah anyone in particular?

As before, this is a true story, and you can find the details in the Guardian. My efforts are commentary rather than invention.

Talulah is from New Zealand, of Hawaiian extraction. She sounds like a brave and forthright little girl. Maybe there is some German in her heritage. She took her parents to court and won, just as the chorus tells you. I heard the story on the BBC, jotted down some notes and left the apartment. By the time I got to the end of the street, the whole thing had sprung fully-formed into my brain, so I turned round and went back home and captured it.

The Small Boy Chesta Gordon introduces the tune, and gives his comment at the end. I used to sing this to him before it was recorded, while trudging up and down the cliff at Frinton-on-Sea in Essex with him on my back, and he approved it for inclusion in the album.

Shoot the Women First – I’m hoping this isn’t a follow up if track 7 doesn’t work?! Quite a confrontational title this one!

Once again – I believe you might begin to see a bit of a picture here – this is based on a book of the same title, by the British writer Eileen MacDonald. She interviewed female terrorists about what made them tick, so to speak, and the title is quoted from the standing orders issued to governmental security services, namely their instructions to shoot female terrorists before their male counterparts. It’s a good read – she spoke to Leila Khaled, to the very spooky Astrid Proll and more.

The female of the species is more deadly than the male, suggested the Victorian DJ/rapper Rudyard Kipling. Perhaps he was not entirely wrong. I think, on the whole and after due consideration, I tend to agree with the sentiments of this song. But then I would say that, wouldn’t I.

On a personal note, the Small Boy Chesta and I were recently travelling in the UK. Sitting on a train, and rocking out to my mp3 player, he suddenly burst into a loud acappella chorus of ‘Shoot the women first, shoot the women first, shoot shoot shoot bang bang!’ much to the bemusement of our fellow travellers. ‘He’s German’, I offered feebly in explanation, moving to the other side of the carriage.

Panama – This is about ‘canoe man’ John Darwin right? Great idea for a song. What’s your take on this bizarre story?

This is one of those ‘glorious failure’ things that the British are so good at (I speak as one of them). Imagine faking your own death but forgetting that changing your name would obviously be part of the bigger picture. Your name, John, you’ve got to change your name as well! And then he put a picture of himself and his wife on the Internet identified with real names and their location. Clearly he hadn’t really thought it through.

But at least Mr Darwin was consistent – he went into a British police station at the end of this disastrous adventure and asked them if they had seen his memory, as he had lost it somewhere. They weren’t having any of it, of course.

He concealed himself in his wife’s house for a number of years before setting off to Panama. Evidently, during these ‘Hiding Years’, he would get into a cupboard whenever his children came round to see their mother. There is certainly a dark side to this silly tale. I can feel a Part II coming on…

Incognito Ergo Sum – Right up there as one of my favourite tracks you’ve ever done. Once again the tempo slows for another thought provoking song. This is all about the ‘dumbed down’ celebrity culture we have these days (certainly here in the UK). Is it like that in Germany too now? There was a time when you needed some sort of talent to become famous, but it’s really not a requirement any more… almost a hindrance. Were you thinking of anyone in particular in this song?

I think it’s the same all over the world, not that I have been everywhere in the world but the Afghani version of ‘Pop Idol’ gives you the general feeling that the clock is ticking. Karaoke for the masses disguised as real life – it’s acting, of course, but the manner in which both the contestants and the consumers willingly suspend their disbelief makes me wonder if there is any point in carrying on the Campaign for Real Reality, as most people clearly prefer the pretend version.

The song’s not aimed at anyone in particular but at everyone in general – how many pico-celebrities does the world need, for crying out loud? I’m a bit of a post-theist on this issue, in that I believe the human race can now support itself perfectly well without the need for celebrities, but I realise I am in a moribund minority.

As for the title –Latin hasn’t had much of a look in lately, so I thought I’d chuck a bit in. The tune also quotes Julia Phillips – if you’re stuck for something to read, you could try her indictment of celebrity which she called ‘You’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Ain’t Big Enough For the Both of Us Again’, or something along those lines.

What does intrigue about celebrity is the way in which the currency is domain-transferable, at least here in Germany. Thus you find winners of non-talent shows turning up as celebrity cooks, you find leading reality-TV house-decorators delivering their opinions about forthcoming elections on prime-time chat-shows, you see celebrity dentists interviewing American film stars. The domain is irrelevant, the currency retains its value regardless of location.

I Have A Chav – Possibly the most ‘Music Hall’ influences on this album, and again a very British subject. As someone who has lived in Berlin for a number of years, you obviously manage to keep abreast of the changes in British culture? I’m assuming there are no Burberry clad oiks in Berlin??

No, they wear different clothes here, but here they certainly are. In Berlin there are a few varieties – often Turkish, often East German. But here the oiks tend to be of all ages, rather than strictly a youth movement. The average Berliner would last about 15 minutes on an average British high street before being smashed to the floor and kicked to death, such is the level of his rudeness and hostility.

Yes, music hall indeed. Music hall was chock full of social commentary disguised as a knees-up, and I find this double level of meaning rather interesting, personally. Who knows, perhaps I even attain it in my work, or egg.

I manage to keep abreast of British culture, if that is the correct expression, via the BBC World Service. There’s nothing like a good shout at the radio on a Sunday morning to get the heart started, or indeed any other morning. Chav-dom is one of my favourite manifestations of British culture, and I dealt with the Boy Calum Best earlier on, in ‘He Was the Best’. Calum delivered a heartfelt self-composed ‘pome’ on the sad occasion of the death, or dearth, of his father the foot-balling alcoholic George of that ilk. It was one of the most memorable moments of televisual (for it was broadcast worldwide) history. There will, no doubt, be more, but they will not have the impact of the Boy Calum’s unforgettable moment. Not on me, at any rate.

Interesting Times – Another interesting take on society. Tell us more about what sparked this one?

When I commented apologetically to Pelle Almgren, who sings all this stuff, that here was a tune which was a bit of a rant about someone in particular, he said ‘What do you mean, they all are….’, which rather surprised me, until I realized that he was right. I do love those people who are always right, don’t you? They have no conception that anything outside their consciousness even exists. Stick it up yer Gantt Chart, I always say. Well, often. So whereas ‘Shoot the Women’ might be construed as generalisation, I don’t think there any risk of that happening here.

Passionate About Your Elevator – A guy in love with an elevator??! Where did that come from?? As an aside, have you notice how many lifts are made by the company Schindler? You don’t think they misheard when making that film do you???

Once again, a true story, although the love angle features someone who is in love with his own linguistic abilities rather than with a lift shaft. A good pal of mine, who had better remain nameless (although eagle-eared listeners will doubtless be able to unravel the mystery) told me the story. It features a leading and well-known lift company and it’s local German MD who decided that he was suddenly possessed of the ability to compose advertising slogans in English, along with all his other skills. This was the title of the (fortunately aborted) ad campaign. I kid you not.

But he was not named Schindler. Ron Vibbentrop, perhaps?

I’m Budgie – A rant about budget airlines. I’m assuming you’ve had your fair share of problems with them?!

Yes, I love the way you are bellowed at, treated as an imbecile, forced to stand, forced to pay to pee and all the rest of the ritual humiliation. It took Stan Budney a whole day to even begin to comprehend the experience when we flew from London to Berlin for the drum recordings. Poor boy – his nerves were shattered, and he went off to Los Angeles with a porn model, never to be heard of again.

You can hear I'm Budgie right here:


You Can’t See Me – Is an epic finale. Wonderfully moody and atmospheric (the guitar solo is very Pink Floyd-ish). It’s very different from anything on the album, and a great choice to finish with. Is it based on anyone in particular?

Well, you can hear the Small Boy Chesta at the beginning and end, once again, in a cameo appearance, and he is rather small, so that perhaps is a clue. I am reluctant to incur any more legal bills, so I will leave it at that. The children’s playground noises come from Stockholm, while we were doing the vocal in a house next to a school.

I am quite partial to a bit of Pink Floyd, meself, especially the combination of whimsy and grandeur, but they tend to do less of the former and more of the latter these days, or decades. So I thought I would attempt to create an idealised version.

Pelle made some very astute comments about the arrangement, and his views were noted. It follows his suggestions almost exactly, in fact. I’ve never done an epic, as you know – my stuff usually tends towards the short and succinct. But I crammed all the verses and choruses at the beginning, and then let the ‘epic-ness’ have it’s head. In fact, I agonised over whether the guitar solo should be acoustic or electric, after having recorded both. Eventually, I followed Chris Townson’s earlier advice – ‘it’s your record, you can do what you like!’, he wisely said - and so I used then both. But not at the same time.

So there you have it pop-pickers! I hope you enjoyed these two interview posts.... Many thanks to Martin for being such a good sport and taking considerable time out to answer all my inane questions!

If this interview has whetted your appitite for a bit more MG, then why not pop down to the legendary 100 club in London on 22nd January, where Martin is making a rare British appearence with his reformed 70's pop-punkers The Radio Stars... a few tunes from the Martin Gordon solo albums are also promised!


LINKS:

Listen to audio extract from ALL 5 of Martins albums here

The Official Martin Gordon website.

Martin Gordon on MySpace.

The 100 Club.

Buy Martin Gordon CDs at Amazon!

My 2008 interview with Martin on his 30+ year career is here and here.


Piley

Martin Gordon: The 'Time Gentlemen Please' Inteview - Part 1

It's that time of year again, when I start looking at the silly amount of CD's I've purchased in the last 12 months, and try to weigh up my favourites. It's been a pretty good year all-in-all, but just about my favourite release of the year has to be Martin Gordon's Time Gentlemen Please.... Throughout the 'naughties', Martin has been working on his 'Mammals' trilogy (his take on mankind in the 21st Century), and Time Gentlemen Please, is the 5th and final part (!).

I've been a fan for many years, and all of the previous 4 albums are real gems that still get regular airings at Piley Towers... surely Martin couldn't match them again this time around... I was right, he couldn't... he actually topped them!! The final part of the jigsaw is without doubt the best of the five.

I asked Martin if he would share some of his thoughts on this album that has given me such pleasure this year, and he kindly agreed. The conversation was rather organic, and we ended up with quite an extensive interview. So below is part one, where we discuss the latest album and his views on the now complete trilogy as a whole....

When we spoke before I remember you saying that you literally write dozens of songs for each album, then whittle them down. How many were originally in contention for Part 5 of the ‘Mammal’ trilogy Time Gentlemen Please, and how do you go about eliminating songs?

I make them fight each other to the death. The losers are taken outside and shot in the back of the neck with a small-bore pistol, and are buried beneath the latrines, which are then demolished and concreted over. Larch trees are planted upon the spot and a Latvian farmer and his family installed, who will swear that they have been there for the last fifteen years if asked.

Oh, I see, you mean the songs. Well, I had about twenty-six, if I recall. As I begin work, some tunes start to sound weaker compared to others, and some I just fall out of love with. So they are discarded in a variety of circumstances – some in rage when returning from a night out, others with regret after weeks of work. Some are discarded right at the last minute, as on this album.

‘Adios Libido’, for example, not only had all the vocals and an amusing guitar solo but also a full brass section. But NO! I said - not good enough! and into the digital bin it went. I am nothing if not ruthless. The spoof Carlos Santana guitar solo presented all the Carlos clichés simultaneously in the space of four bars, to resounding effect, but it was mercilessly chopped. All that remains of it is the ‘Adios!’ of the hidden track, when all the dust has died down. Not much to show for weeks of work, you may say, but art must triumph over mediocrity.

How long did it take to write this album, where did you record it, and how long did it take to record?

I took about a year to create the material, including being sidetracked by extra-curricular judicial affairs, and then I decided that I had critical mass enough to begin recording. That was about September 2008 and it went on until about Feb 2009, so that’s (counts on fingers) six months, on and off. First of all I made some demos, then I sent them to the various contributors and then I began recording. Vocals were done in Stockholm, with a second round in Berlin, and everything else was done in various studios here in Berlin.

I also used a brass section for the first time, which involved having to write all the brass parts out, including transpositions. That was rather nerve-wracking, but I checked them beforehand with someone who knows about that kind of stuff, and he OK’d them, and in fact they were spot on. Brass players can turn nasty, I understand, if the parts aren’t correctly written, but in the case of the Polkaholix guys, they were (east German) pussycats. There was flute as well, but everybody knows that flute players are all gaylords, so I didn’t worry about that one.

The full story is documented here, with pictures. So in total, I think about eighteen months.

What happens to all the songs that don’t make it onto an album? Are they just deemed ‘not right’ for this particular project and go back in the archives for possible use somewhere down the line, or are they permanently struck off?

They are permanently banished, never to reappear. I’m quite prolific, so I don’t need to hoard material for a rainy day, I’ll just write some more if I need it. The exception was with the ‘How Am I Doing So Far’ compilation, where I included a couple of outtakes. There must be about 15 tunes with vocals that will never see the light of day, thanks to this ludicrous and ergonomically unsound policy.

Are there any songs that you originally wrote for one album that ended up being on another?

No, all the collections take shape more or less around the same period of time, and I think that also gives the thing some continuity and coherence. But I’m quite tempted by the idea of collecting for example all the silly/music hall tunes together. But you can do that yourself, of course, on yer mp3 player, so why would I do that?

How long does it take you to write a song? Are you one of those people who can get an idea then have the whole thing finished in a few hours, or to you nurture and hone it for weeks on end?

Christ, most of the music I hear today sounds as if it’s been finished in a couple of hours. Or even minutes, while the so-called ‘composer’ was doing something much more interesting and worthwhile, like washing his or her hair, or shopping. Why do people imagine that the first idea they have is the best one? It isn’t, it’s the first one.

So mine are often lovingly polished for weeks, sometimes months. A half-diminished passing chord here, some assonance there, and an extra half bar slipped in round the back. Polishing is the right metaphor – it’s as though all possible chords are out there in the ether, and it’s just a matter of eliminating the ones that you don’t want. Or I, in this case.

I see absolutely no merit in creating something and leaving it unfinished. Would you buy a car that was designed by someone who didn’t have time to think about putting in steering wheel? Or a karaoke machine from someone who omitted to get the little red ball to bounce up and down in time to your ghastly singing? Exactly.

For this album you’ve taken the decision to also release a limited edition CD containing all the demos of the tracks. That’s an interesting idea, what made you decide to do that this time around? Is there potential for retrospective releases of demos for the previous albums too??

As you note, the demos are available as a kind of boutique, director’s cut, coffee-table limited edition for those who really want to poke about behind the scenes. It occurred to me that I would be very interested in hearing the ur-versions of tunes by my favourite composers who worked with bands to realise their ideas. So not Todd Rundgren necessarily, but Cheap Trick definitely, by way of example. Have you ever heard the Beatles rehearsing ‘Octopuses’ Garden’, for example? It’s fascinating, both as a historical artefact and as a snapshot of the process. Plus hearing the original idea and then comparing it to the finished thing is always a fascinating exercise, especially when there is a change of vocalist en route – I’m singing, if that’s the correct expression, all the demos, whereas Pelle does the job on the finished thing.

So I created the demo version CD as a kind of handcrafted individual item limited to 100 copies, which comes complete with the (signed) chord charts. Erk alors. There are less than 10 left, and then there will be no more. There are original demos of all the previous parts of the Trilogy, since you ask, but I think I will probably leave that to the good taste/motivation of my descendants to excruciate over. So far, so good. Enough, my life already.

And how do you go about writing a song in the first place? Yours are so infectious I’m guessing it must be the tune that comes first followed by the words?

In fact it’s exactly the opposite, they are driven by the words, which always are complete before I get to the tunes. So having scribbled, I sit down with the piano and off we go to the next stage. If you have the words to hand, then it’s more like the process of ‘setting’, and if you have the advantage of having written the words yourself, you can always reshape them if necessary. But it almost never is.

What instrument(s) do you use to help you compose a new song?

I tried composing on the kazoo once, but kept having to stop in order to blow my nose, so piano it is.

A poignant moment recording your first solo album without your good friend and band member Chris Townson. It must have felt very odd not having him around?

Yeah, it was a bit. Chris had been on all the Mammal things up to that point, and it was a bit thoughtless of him to die just when I wanted to get into another recording. Completely buggered my schedule up. I’ve a good mind to organise a party of obese Americans to go down to his bench in the South Downs and sit on him, in pique. That would show him.

But as events turned out, Radio Stars had just reconvened for a UK gig with (drummer) Steve Budney, and he and I came back to Berlin and spent two days in a boat, thrashing through everything. Quite stress-free, and I’m very happy with how it came out.

With Chris, I would never have to explain how anything should go, drum-wise, as we both knew it would have been pointless trying to plan anything and anyway the way it came out spontaneously was usually the most convincing way to do it. He would intuitively know what was the right thing to do. Steve did his homework, however, and with a few pointers in the studio, we got it down. I’m sure Chris would approve. Steve says that he overused one particular fill, but as nobody listens to the drums anyway, I think we can let it go. Chris gave some feedback to Steve about his (Steve’s) interpretation of Chris’ drum part on a live version of ‘The Joy of More Hogwash’, so there was some communication there, at any rate.

Chris also did the album artwork for the previous 4 albums. Who did you get to do the new album cover and what input did you have??

Well, Chris and I used to have long, enjoyable discussions over covers – whether lobsters actually had shoulders, what kind of spliff God would smoke, whether the Hog would look nice in a turban with a Danish bacon logo on it… (he did, very. Wanna see him?)

This time I had the notion of a clock counting down to the witching hour of midnight, at which point we will all revert to slimy amoebas. I sent a sketch, slightly adapted for the bipedal mammal species, to a chap called Jon Price, recommended by the record company, and the result was very nice, and quite different to the previous parts. Jon did some nice layouts for the insides, as well. Martin Cox kindly provided most of the pix.

Overall, what are your thoughts on this album, and how does it compare to the previous 4?

Well, I think it’s the best one. It’s more rigidly selected, it’s got brass and ukulele on it, and it begins with a T. I still play it, and my small boy sings ‘Chav’ whenever he can, so these must be indications of an achievement of some sort.

Looking back on the ‘trilogy’ as a whole, is there anything you’d like to change in hindsight?

Only that I should have made the title of the third part (‘God’s on His Lunchbreak, Please Call Back’) begin with a T, like all the rest. This was an enormous oversight on my part, and I can only apologise for my complete lack of insight.

Other than that, I can now see that there are perhaps three or four songs, over the whole cycle, which shouldn’t have been there, for one reason or another. But I’m not going to name them, of course.

What’s your favourite track from all 5 albums (or a top 3 if choosing one is too hard!)

Marvellous question, and I will go for the get-out version and choose three. ‘Best’ is, of course, a moveable feast – it’s a compromise between composition and performance, I reckon. Sometimes there might be a great performance of a less than great composition, and vice-versa. So, considering that material which falls into the centre of the bell-curve:

1 21st Century Blues – fabulous vocal performance, marvellous solos, change of colour for the coda.

2 Love Power – a very funny song from the Mel Brooks film the Producers, which we made our own. And again, it’s the combination of vocal and guitar performance which makes it, for me. Big it up for Andy Reimer!

3 It’s Like It’s Like… From the first album, and a spookily stream-of-consciousness vocal performance which makes the song better than it is, if you see what I mean. That Pelle Almgren. If you are selling an apartment, he will come round and sing about it to potential customers, if I understand the process correctly.

The sleeve notes provide more than a hint that this is the final part of the trilogy. Is that definite? Is Time Gentlemen Please really ringing the last bell??! What’s next for Martin Gordon? Something else with this band or a complete change?

I am going to become a dentist. There are many opportunities in Berlin for enthusiastic dentists, and I already have bought a white coat and a long rubber thing with which I will be able to look into people’s ears.

Oh. Maybe ENT, then, rather than restrict myself to the dental aspect alone. But oral hygiene is so important, don’t you agree? No nasty snaggle-toothed, shady-looking criminal types with hooked noses, just a world of gleaming-chopped, symmetrical beauty – this is my goal. At least in the foreseeable future. I may change my mind later on, I suppose, when the white coat becomes spattered with blood and plaque and…

I think I am going off the idea already… Perhaps Albanian Radio will commission me to compose a musical about Sir Norman Wisdom. Well, you never know, I hear this kind of thing is all the rage in some quarters.

So… there is the Radio Stars gig at the 100 Club in London on January the 22nd. That should occupy me for a moment or two. We will insert a few Mammalian tunes into the proceedings, skills and motivation permitting. We performed Terrible Mess last time out, and never was a tune more aptly named. Or what about jazz, now there’s a thing, with an unplugged trio and brass section…. (drones on, fades out…..zzzzzz).

So there you have it! Don't miss Part Two of this interview, where Martin gives us an insight into each and every track from Time Gentlemen Please.

LINKS:

The Official Martin Gordon website

Martin Gordon on MySpace

Buy Martin Gordon CDs at Amazon!

My previous interview with Martin Gordon (which covers his varied and eventful career from Sparks, Jet, Radio Stars, Rolling Stones, Blue Meanies etc etc right up to his solo work) can be found here and here

Piley

Podrophenia - Show 7... A Slice of Christmas Podding!

Why not grab a mince pie and join Mondo and me round the open fire for our Yuletide Party Pod! And we've got some special guests along for the ride too, as fellow bloggers Marmite Boy and Coops join in the festive fun.

Listen in on a Christmas Cracker consumer test, talk of disappointing and\or inappropriate gifts, worst festive toons and much more. Oh and there's yet another outing for the feature that just won't die (no matter how hard we try!) Wood-Watch! And in between all that old waffle you'll find 10 Christmas Crackers for you to listen to, and not a turkey in sight!
The sound quality is perhaps a little rougher round the edges than usual, due to the party going on in the background at Mondo Manor, and the fact that 4 of us were sharing 2 microphones! But I hope you enjoy it none the less.

Now here's an extra quiz to keep you quiet... there's 8 celeb messages throughout the podcast, can you identify who all of them are??!!

Finally, a MASSIVE thank you to Paul Oddsock for the amazing artwork that he created especially for this podcast - (do please 'double-click' it, to view in all its glory!) cheers Paul!

Listen Here:


Or Download Here:
Podrophenia 7 - Christmas Podding

Oh and don't forget we're also available via iTunes these days too... gawd knows how or why!

Merry Christmas!

Piley